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Asian Tribune is published by World Institute For Asian Studies|Powered by WIAS Vol. 12 No. 2401

Please Tell Me Why?

By Adnan Gill

Thanks to the dozens of political talk shows, the ordinary Pakistanis have become one of the most politically aware populace. It may be a good time to grade their knowledge through a political science quiz.

Following are 20 most debated questions and their possible answers:

1. Why President Musharraf is still occupying the Army House?

a. President Musharraf thinks he is still the Army Chief.
b. He believes ‘Awan-e-Sadar’ is for the genuine Presidents only.
c. He is still waiting to shed his second skin.
d. Uncle Bush hasn’t issued the eviction orders yet.

2. Why Musharraf refused to conduct an inquiry into May 12, Karachi Massacre?

a. He had to protect his strongest ally for its role in the Massacre.
b. Shaukat Aziz opined inquiry would negatively impact the burgeoning foreign reserves.
c. He didn’t want to hurt the feelings of the hooligans.
d. He always wanted to say, “People have shown their power.”

3. Why Musharraf never disclosed $100 million/month given by the Pentagon?

a. He wanted to quietly divert the money to strengthen Pakistan's defense.
b. He suffered from amnesia.
c. He thought money was for him.
d. He thought civilians could count only up to one hundred.

4. Why the Kashmir struggle died during the Musharraf era?

a. Uncle Bush ordered him to be nice to India.
b. He thought Kashmiris didn’t want to be free anymore.
c. He thought Kashmiri cause was draining Pakistan’s limited resources.
d. He wanted to see how long would it take for the Indians to hunt down the abandoned freedom fighters.

5. Why did Zardari refuse to allow an autopsy of Benazir Bhutto?

a. He was following the Islamic guidelines against the desecration of a body.
b. He didn't think Pakistani doctors knew how to conduct autopsies.
c. He didn't trust the Pakistani authorities to conduct an objective autopsy.
d. He didn't want to ruin the mystery.

6. Why Zardari wants to become the Prime Minister?

a. Other party officials are not bright enough for the job.
b. The experience would look cool on his resume.
c. He loves power.
d. No one else wants to be the Prime Minister.

7. Why Zardari remained so ill to return to Pakistan, till after Ms. Bhutto’s assassination?

a. Benazir Bhutto’s ultimate sacrifice miraculously cured his chronic illness.
b. Ms. Bhutto gave him a timeout for embarrassing her all the time.
c. Power cures all illnesses.
d. Ms. Bhutto wanted to keep her backup out of harms way.

8. Why the PPP is still insisting on a UN probe?

a. They don't trust the Pakistani investigators.
b. They think it's UN's job.
c. They think, only the UN can go back in time to collect the washed-off evidence.
d. They don't want to waste the excuse to keep their workers loaded for the on-demand protests.

9. Why the PPP is dragging its feet on the issue of restoration of judges?

a. Restored judiciary may declare the ‘get out of jail free’ (NRO) deal as unconstitutional.
b. The deposed judges need much deserved retirement.
c. The deposed judges were incompetent and unworthy of becoming judges.
d. Pakistani voters didn't give them a mandate to the restore the judiciary.

10. Why countries like America and Saudi Arabia are allowed to meddle in the Pakistani affairs?

a. Because they handed over billions of dollars to meddle in the Pakistani affairs.
b. Pakistanis are too dumb to think for themselves.
c. They think Pakistanis are orphans who desperately need responsible guardians.
d. General Musharraf was forced to sign Pakistan's ownership to these countries.

11. Why the American Ambassador to Islamabad traveled to UK to meet Altaf Hussain?

a. She wanted to join the MQM.
b. Altaf Hussain is banned from entering Pakistan.
c. Altaf’s didn't want to go through the hassle of applying for a Pakistani visa.
d. Altaf knew he will be killed the moment he will set a foot in Pakistan, so the Ambassador had to travel to London to personally deliver his marching orders.

12. Why media gives coverage to Altaf?

a. Public loves his theatrics on the phone.
b. Media personnel don’t want to loose their lives by denying him any coverage.
c. The owners of mainstream media are Altaf’s fans.
d. He holds a tremendous entertainment value.

13. Why the MQM is allowed to remain under the iron-grip of a British citizen, namely Altaf Hussain?

a. Pakistan is still a British colony.
b. Pakistanis are too stupid to lead MQM.
c. Nobody wants to lose their life for eyeing his God-given ownership of the party.
d. He was forced to become a British citizen.

14. Why Altaf Hussain shouldn’t be tried for the crime of high-treason for renouncing the creation of Pakistan, and asking the Indians to intervene in the Pakistani affairs?

a. Pakistani Constitution prohibits trying the foreign nationals for high treason.
b. He did not renounce the creation of Pakistan.
c. It wasn’t his fault, he was contractually obligated to renounce the creation of Pakistan.
d. It's in every Pakistanis interest to live under the Hindu majority.

15. Why doesn't MQM leadership, especially Altaf Hussain return to Pakistan?

a. They are allergic to the Pakistanis.
b. They are no longer Pakistanis.
c. They know the enraged relatives of their victims will tear them to pieces the instant they will return to Pakistan.
d. Her Majesty insists, they remain her guests.

16. Why doesn’t MQM leadership renounce violence instead of issuing new threats every other day?

a. That is the only leverage they have.
b. Fear produces more favorable results than the civilized alternatives.
c. That is the only way of doing business they know of.
d. Gangsters look cool on TV and in the movies.

17. Why do the Canadian government, EOM and the human rights organizations call MQM a terrorist party?

a. They have found evidence to reach such a conclusion.
b. They are racist who hate the MQM leadership.
c. They are brainwashed by the “secret hands.”
d. It’s a hoax. They never made such a claim.

18. Why Altaf Hussain can fly over Pakistan to land in India but finds it inconvenient to land in Pakistan to see his constituents?

a. That would have insulted his Indian friends.
b. He always wanted to view Karachi from the height of 37,000 feet.
c. He didn't pack enough clothes to spend a night in Pakistan.
d. He didn't have Her Majesty’s permission to visit Pakistan.

19. Why nobody can tell us, who is brainwashing and sending the suicide bombers?

a. Mysteries are fun.
b. They are aliens transported via the UFOs.
c. Uncle Bush will get angry if the Mullahs, on his payroll, would embarrass him.
d. They belong to an ultra-secretive society living hundreds of feet under the Earth.

20. Why the religious parties in no uncertain terms denounce the suicidal attacks?

a. They don't want to lose their only leverage.
b. They are paid to recruit, brainwash and train the suicide bombers.
c. They are not sure about the Islamic rulings on the suicides.
d. They are doing a favor to the suicide bombers and their victims by sending them to heavens.

Note: The quiz is in fact a political satire. Readers are encouraged to e-mail any other questions and their possible answers to the author of this column -

- Asian Tribune -

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