<b>Who are Einstein and Picasso? - George W. Bush</b>

Courtesy - Laff a day

George W. Bush, Albert Einstein and Pablo Picasso have all
died. Due to a glitch in the mundane/celestial time-space
continuum, all three arrive at the Pearly Gates more or less
simultaneously, even though their deaths have taken place
decades apart.

The first to present himself to Saint Peter is Einstein. Saint
Peter questions him. "You look like Einstein, but you have no
idea the lengths certain people will go to, to sneak into
Heaven under false pretenses. Can you prove who you really are?"

Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, "Could I have a
blackboard and some chalk?"

Saint Peter complies with a snap of his fingers. The blackboard
and chalk instantly appear. Einstein proceeds to describe with
arcane mathematics and symbols his special theory of relativity.

Saint Peter is suitably impressed. "You really are Einstein!
Welcome to heaven!"

The next to arrive is Picasso. Once again Saint Peter asks for
his credentials. Picasso doesn't hesitate. "Mind if I use that
blackboard and chalk?"

Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."

Picasso erases Einstein's scribbles and proceeds to sketch out
a truly stunning mural. Bulls, satyrs, nude women: he captures
their essence with but a few strokes of the chalk.

Saint Peter claps. "Surely you are the great artist you claim
to be! Come on in!"

The last to arrive is George W. Bush. Saint Peter scratches
his head. "Einstein and Picasso both managed to prove their
identity. How can you prove yours?"

G. W. looks bewildered, "Who are Einstein and Picasso?"

Saint Peter sighs, "Come on in, George."

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Courtesy of FunnyJokes.com

While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered.
Mr. Benson looked out the window and screamed, "Good
Lord! One of the engines just blew up!"

Other passengers left their seats and came running over.
Suddenly, the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as
yet a second engine exploded. The passengers were in a
panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn't maintain
order.

Standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode
from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was
nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor seemed
to calm most of the passengers, and they sat down as the
pilot walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed
several packages from under the seats and began handing
them to the flight attendants. Each crew member attached
the package to their backs.

"Say," spoke up an alert passenger, "aren't those
parachutes?"

"Yep," affirmed the pilot.

"But I thought you said there was nothing to worry
about?"

"There isn't," replied the pilot as a third engine exploded.

"We're going to get help."

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Courtesy of aDailyJoke.com

"How come you're late?" asked the bartender, as the blonde
waitress walked into the bar.

"It was awful," she explained. "I was walking down Elm
street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown
from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street.
His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was
blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course.

"What did you do?" asked the bartender.

"I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep
from fainting!"

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BEATITUDES FOR MARRIED COUPLES:

--Blessed are the husband and wife who continue to be
considerate and loving, after the wedding bells have
ceased to ring.

--Blessed are the husband and wife who are as polite
and courteous to each other as they are to their friends.

--Blessed are the husband and wife who maintain a
sense of humor.

--Blessed are the married couples who abstain from
alcoholic beverages.

--Blessed are they who fulfill their marriage vows
of a lifetime of fidelity and mutual helpfulness one
another.

--Blessed are they who study God's word and thank God
for His multitude of blessings.

--Blessed are the husband and wife who humbly dedicate
their lives and their homes to Christ, and practice his
teachings.

Bible Verses